BATF Bureau of Antics, Tom Foolery and Foul Ups?

If my Blog has a theme it is the absolute disconnect between the politicians and bureaucrats who presume to run this country and reality. I know, you thought it was one of those exercises where they let a chimp loose on a typewriter and look for patterns but I DO have a point. 

http://news.yahoo.com/justice-dept-faulted-gun-trafficking-operation-181210695.html

As my intention is to prove that the whole political process, as practiced in our country at present, is corrupt, venal, unconstitutional, shameless, heartless, tyrannical and just plain stupid then my work is done here. Show me who to give the Silver Bullet to, I’ll hop on Silver find Tonto and hit the road.

Nothing I can say will add to that article. But you don’t mind if I try do you?

First let me say that if you flag Republican and are rubbing your hands together in anticipation you might want to hold up a bit.  In my particular case “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” is wrong on two counts. First; I know you two are not enemies, you are perfectly happy with the status quo.  Second: I consider both of you my enemies.

This country needs change and the first change is to put the Democratic and the Republican parties in the history books. Both of them have fewer principles than a slave trader and a moral compass that always seems to point back to them.  Hope I have made myself clear on that.

Let’s get back to Mr. Holder, his Justice Department and their BATF.  In synopsis this is what happened: the BATF started a program to catch people selling guns illegally across the border, in this program the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms would……. WAIT FOR IT NOW……. Sell guns illegally across the border.  

I know, when I first heard of this some months ago I thought that is just too silly to be true. The fact I was right about that did not mean it was NOT true however. The BATF did sell illegal firearms across the Mexican Border with the hope of catching people doing what the BATF was doing to catch them.  I need an asprin.

I will casually mention that what the BATF did was illegal but let me take you a step further. Let’s say Bolivia decided that to further their internal policy they needed to sell illegal weapons to purchasers inside the United States.  Illegally moving weapons into a sovereign foreign power is an act of WAR.

So the BATF, a subordinate of the Justice Department who reports directly to the Attorney General committed an ACT OF WAR against the State of Mexico. At this point outcomes become kind of academic. Whether the plan worked or did not work is overshadow by that whole “violation of national sovereign boundaries” thing.  Ever curious as I am though I wonder, did the plan work?

In point of fact, no the great BATF plan did not work. I can’t understand these are the same people who orchestrated Waco and Ruby Ridge, how could ANYTHING possibly go wrong? It did, guns got loose people got shot and, at least from the Justice Department’s point of view, the worse was an American Border guard got shot.

The crux of the problem, from Washington DC’s view,  was not that an illegal gun got placed in the hands of a madman, nor was it that this was done by a Commissioned Law Enforcement Officer,  there really was no problem that it was used to take another Law Enforcement Officer’s life. You are completely missing the point.

Illegal guns floating around, Mexican’s getting shot by the gross weight with said illegal guns, a Federal Agent shot dead by said illegal guns and the fact these guns were put into the hands that used them by the Federal Agency sworn to control Alcohol, Tobacco and FIREARMS. Oh, don’t forget explosives, they are in charge of explosives. Prey Dear Lord nobody gets any bright ideas about that.

The real problem, fellow citizens, is that because a Federal Agent was shot with an illegal weapon that was traced back to the BATF the great unwashed (that would be us) found out about. THERE is the problem.

 
Yes, as in all real crisis in our federal government, it is not really a problem until somebody knows about it.  No matter the scope, potential damage, unethical behavior or tyrannical excess it is really not a problem as long as it is a secret.  It’s not wrong until you get caught. There you have it, government by Sociopaths.

Trust me; I am not done with Mr. Holder or this subject.  This incident is like a short course on the arrogance, ethically bankruptcy, and disregard for our Constitution that pervades our government no matter which party is in power.

Neither the Republicans or the Democrats want to fix the problem so they are the prima fascia problem.

Next I would like to move on from here and discuss this issue of THE DOMESTIC TERRORIST threat. Interesting stuff that.  

OR I WILL HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL.... as Diplomacy

I watch the antics in the Mid East and think to myself, “Isn’t this where I came in?” Seriously, haven’t we seen all this before? How many times does your kid fall down on the floor, kick their feet, bang their heads and hold their breath until they turn blue before it quits being exciting?

Temper tantrum; that is what they are pitching and that is what we are seeing. Any parent who has semi-successfully raised a kid passed the terrible twos knows how to handle these people it does not require a bunch of Harvard and Yale educated talking heads.

The first principle is what the tantrumer (my word how you like it?) wants is irrelevant. What they want right now could be right, good and pure of spirit but if you give into the tantrum behavior tomorrow they will pitch the same fit for hot dogs with tatter chips covered with hot fudge. The issue is the tantrum itself.

So the first step by the tantrumee (that would be us) is to remain calm and think happy thoughts; tantrum and thunderstorm durations are self limiting by their violence.  Find a good book, pick up your knitting, continue with your life and ignore them.

But Ed, you cannot ignore the whole Middle East!!!!! Why not?  Let me give you an idea of how I might have handled this little twitch in the Middle East had I woke up as president this morning:

1.       My first step, while still running around in my presidential bathrobe, would be to contact the Secretary of State and recall ALL ambassadors to Middle East countries for consultation. Stable country, unstable, ally or enemy the Ambassador would be recalled for consultation. In Diplo-speak recalling an ambassador for consultation is a step before breaking diplomatic ties.

2.       Once breakfast was over I would call the Joint Chiefs of Staff and asked to see their plan to remove all military personnel from any ground bases in the Middle East within five days. We would review this plan together by close of business today.  I, as President and the Big Dog in the Bureaucratic Meat House would not entertain a “we can’t do that” option.

3.       After I had caused the Joint Chiefs to squat and have a cow I would call in my Chief of Staff and we would have us a little talk. The Chief’s first job would be to announce a joint session of Congress for that evening. No, I do not care about news cycles or other obligations. I get to drink out of a POTUS coffee cup.  I would also have the Chief drop by my legislative office and have them draft a bill based on the following facts:

a.       Today’s price for a barrel of crude oil is $98.94 which is down 6% from yesterday.

b.      Rounded up that’s a hundred bucks and adding a ten percent the president is ticked off tax that makes it a hundred and ten.

4.       Based on those two numbers I would propose emergency legislation that says the price of oil will NEVER fall below $110.00 any difference between the wholesale price and $110.00 per barrel would be collected as a tariff and used for the New Manhattan project.

5.       What new Manhattan Project? The one I would propose to find, develop and deploy viable alternative energy sources. The simple fact is we need such alternatives now, trying to find them might already be too late and the best reason for an emergency program now is because we were too stupid to do it thirty years ago.

I am certain you can see all kinds of problems with this strategy, so can I. I, frankly, cannot see a strategy for handling the spoiled children of the Middle East that is not going to mess up the house and cause problems.

In defense of my down and dirty answer or yours, whatever that may be; let me say it is better than anything the Democrats or Republicans have done in the last seventy years.

Going full circle in my little discussion what my fantasy presidency has done is to begin preparing the United States to ignore the Middle East. Pull out our soldiers, close off diplomatic relations and chop down their little money tree.

There is only one cure for tantrum behavior that is when the person throwing the tantrum realizes they cannot get what they want by hurting themselves. Once that lesson is learned it is remarkable how fast common sense breaks out.

The Republican Convention

So the Republicans had their convention and what a surprise the outcome was. Romney was chosen to run for President and Ryan for Vice President. Am I the only one who remembers when a political convention was where you chose the candidate? Now a political convention is largely about who can drop the most balloons and make the longest most boring speech.

Clint Eastwood was a breath of fresh air. Fresh air on two accounts: First, Mr. Eastwood has been a long standing adamant liberal. It’s commensurate with Rush Limbaugh endorsing Obama. Second, I found Mr. Eastwood’s speech to be funny, full of wit, somewhat irreverent and showing the pathos of a disillusioned idealist who was not particularly happy about where fate had taken him but brave enough to stand and deliver.

I assume that the Democrats and the press must have watched another speech. Allow me a moment to interpret the remarks made after Mr. Eastwood’s by his liberal (former) friends:

1. It was incoherent: The speech was largely extemporaneous, ad-libbed, off the cuff, funny and WE did not like it.

2. Talking to the empty chair proves that Eastwood is getting senile: Talking to the chair was unique which shows the creative ability to communicate that has made Mr. Eastwood one of the best actors and directors of his generation. The fact is that Mr. Eastwood is still more intelligent and creative than all of us and WE did not like it.

3. Eastwood’s mumbling, pausing delivery was inarticulate and made the whole speech incomprehensible: Academy award winning actor Clint Eastwood has delivered his lines in this Jimmy Stewartesque manner since he was a young actor on Rawhide. It has been a staple of his performances and has made him a master of the “quiet hero” role. Oh, yes, I almost forgot WE DID NOT LIKE IT.

I believe, on reflection that the liberal wing of our political debate just darned well did not like it. This is not a new stand for the liberal wing; I refer you to John Wayne and Clarence Thomas as two examples of this kind of ire. The Democrats prefer their actors and darkies (Judge Thomas’ own word) to stay in their place.

Clint Eastwood is not a liberal who defected. Clint Eastwood is a true liberal who has just had enough. He supported and voted for President Obama at the last election because Mr. Eastwood wanted to end the war, repeal the Bush attacks on the Bill of Rights and straighten out the economy.

Obama did none of these things and Mr. Eastwood holds him accountable for those failures. The only place I find a problem with Mr. Eastwood’s stand is that I believe he needs to take it one step further.

Late in Mr. Eastwood’s speech he reminds us that this is our country, that politicians are our employees and that it is time to stand up and take it back. I am pretty certain neither the Depublicans nor the Remocrats liked that.

Vote Independently.



Fools Rarely Differ

The only trouble with doing this blog is that I have to stay in some kind of touch with the present political debate. I would rather shovel rat dung, but somebody has to do it and I guess it is just my turn. What an utterly despicable pile of garbage.

It appears that the great minds of the press have decided that seven states are going to decide the whole election. Wasn’t there fifty states last I checked?  But that’s all right, they are THE PRESS and they are so much smarter, savvier, more connected and in touch than we common slugs in the “fly over states” that we should just sit back and listen to them. After all what do we know?

Well There Was That Wasn’t There?

The Democrats are quick to tell us that Romney is a big business front and will bring down the country and according to Biden “put us all back in chains”. Wow, when was the last time you were in chains? They also say that Ryan is going to tear down the whole “Safety Net” so carefully crafted by the Democrats while fighting the Republicans all the way.  You mean the safety net that robs the rich to give to the richer while leaving the poor in concentration camps we call Government Housing? Well I feel safer.

The Democrats have pretty much accused poor Misters Romney and Ryan of everything but feasting on the flesh of fresh killed children. This series of accusations has risen to the sublime. God Lord grant me the longevity to see what in the world they say about the Republicans four years from now. I may be aging but I am ever curious. 

On the other side of the political alley, it is too dirty to be a street, the Republicans accuse Obama of being a rampant Communist, mean spirited, a man who bows to foreign powers and commits assassinations. That is for starters, after that they get nasty. As to Biden, they portray him as a foul mouthed clown who speaks without thinking, thinks about it and decides he was right in the first place. Well, what can I say; even a blind pig will find acorns if he roots long enough. They nailed that one, the VP is often wrong but NEVER uncertain.

The Republicans have portrayed the put-upon President and Vice President as personal minions of Beelzebub in league with the fallen angels to cause the down fall of Christianity. If Obama wants to call out Jesus of Nazareth, the Christ, for a knock down drag out I think I know which way I am going to bet.

So there it is both sides are slinging mud at each other and the real issues of the economy, the Constitution, the horror of the Patriot Act, taxes and whatever else are left unaddressed.

After studying both parties’ pontifications carefully I can only come to one conclusion. They are both right.  Neither one of them is worth voting for.

Vote for an Independent party.

A Short Quiz

Three of my last four entries are to the effect that the Republicans and the Democrats are in collusion to assure that your right to vote is limited to a choice of the “lesser of two evils”. A little hint here, the lesser of two evils always works out to an evil. Only in multiplication is the product of two negatives a positive. Never in politics does that kind of math work. Show these arrogant tyrants a trick. Vote for an Independent.

That is all I want to say about that this time, I am tired of beating this dead horse, anyway if the Democrats and/or the Republicans stay in power I don’t want to hurt in any horse meat lying around. I might just need it. Instead let me ask you if you can see what these words have in common and yes, it is a trick question:

·         Abortion

·         Education

·         Welfare

·         Narcotics

·         Marriage

·         Homosexual

·         Heterosexual

·         Bisexual

·         Sexual

·         Assault Rifle

·         Cocaine

·         Marijuana

·         Privacy

·         Morals

·         Housing

·         House plants (OK I just tossed that one in for fun, kinda like I did sexual)

Do you give up?

Ok, what they all have in common is that none of them are mentioned in the body of or any amendments to the Constitution of the United States.  Now welfare is mentioned in the preamble where it says in part “promote the general welfare” but in context that has nothing to do with welfare programs and the preamble is just that, a general statement of the goals for the document listed below it. That document is the Constitution itself.

So the Constitution doesn’t mention the “buzz words” that define most of the major social issues of our times. Big whoop, what does that mean to us today? Well the Constitution does actually say something about that; it says this:

“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”

What I quote above is the 10^th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States and the last Amendment in what is termed the Bill of Rights.

You see those Old White Men; slave owners, smugglers, slave traders, back shooters, philanders and largely flawed and sorry men that they were, had a real moment of clarity here. Even though the original intent of the Bill of Rights was to protect their rational self interest and fear of large government at the time it has done a fairly good work a day job of protecting those of us who followed on.

So what it means, in general terms, that none of those words are found in the Constitution is that (How to put this nicely? Oh, never mind.) The Federal Government has no, not a bit, not one scintilla of any authority to act in these matters.

Did I say none?

Yet they still do. Let me ask you this, if you had a contract to buy a car on time and the company you had the contract with kept overstepping their legal authority what would you do? Well I know what my first inclination would be but the car probably would not fit there no matter how hard I tried.

The Federal Government is in severe breach of Contract with each individual one of you. In breach of Contract with me too by the way and I can’t speak for each and every one of you but it tends to make me testy. The fact that both major parties act like this is no big deal makes me just plain mad.

I can’t speak for you but I want to vote for somebody with the ability to read and comprehend at above a fourth grade level and the integrity to keep a simple contract. I think I will vote for somebody in an Independent Party because I am sick and tired of picking a new Massa every for years.

Hey Guys, Water is Wet

I have spent my last three blog post trying to convince you that the Republicans nor the Democrats have your best interest at heart. It sometimes feels like I am making a case for water being wet. Why in the world do I need to keep stating the obvious?

Let us take a look at a short list of some of the real issues that face the United States at present:

1.       Our economy is in the crapper. No it’s not just bad.  If I wanted to dream up a way to screw up an economy I could not come up with anything better that the Dems and Pubs have done by accident. At least they SAY it’s an accident:

a.       Our economy is now founded on an un-renewable energy source that is running out. Oil is going, going and almost gone. There is absolutely no way to save this petroleum based society and both parties KNOW IT.

b.      Our Social Security system is neither social nor secure. By 2033 at the latest this will become glaringly obvious. By then it will be too late to do anything about it, quite possibly it is too late already.

c.       Our major industries are all monopolies, something both the Dems and the Pubs claim to despise but dutifully ignore. Health care, food and energy are all run by a very minority position that actively excludes anyone who tries to break their control. Teddy Roosevelt would simply squat and birth a baby bovine. He thought big steel and rail was bad. Clone Teddy and put him back in Office and the Attorney General would have something to keep him or her out of mischief like sending drones to peek on hones t citizens.

This list is not meant to be encyclopedic, if I tried to list all the ways the government have actively sabotaged a great economic experiment this would not be a blog it would be a series of VERY BIG books.

2.       Our government, through the Patriot Act, has attacked every part of the Constitution except perhaps the preamble. They probably left that alone because it is one drawn out long sentence and they can’t figure out exactly what it means. They do have their limitations.

3.       More than half the world thinks the United States is a bunch of arrogant butt wipes. More than half of those who think that have valid reasons. Isn’t it time we put our FIVE HUNDRED POUND GORILLA on a diet?

4.       Every third idiot is busily interpreting our Constitution to have rights, authorities, privileges and powers it simply does not have. The U.S. Constitution is written in simple declarative sentences, even that long drawn out preamble. It does not require complex interpretation, it is a contract between us and our Government and it requires honoring by both parties.

This list is not meant to be encyclopedic either. It is meant to be indicative of some things we really need to be discussing. So what are the Demopublicans and the Republacrats discussing?

Three idiots. Yes fellow citizens our major political debate between both of the major parties is wrapped up in three individual idiots. Two stuck their individual foot in their  mouth and the other stuck his bare butt in the  Sea of Galilee.  That is what the Democrats and the Republicans think of the level of your grasp of the issues. If you are not insulted by them yet, stick around I will try harder.

It seems that this Repuli-Idiot, Aiken from the shamed state of Missouri, made some stupid statement that women who are truly raped don’t get pregnant. OK, here we have what is classically refered to as a moron. Let’s all not vote for him. I know I won’t. Time to move on.

The other idiot from the Repub side of the house is a man named Yoder from Arizona who appears to have jumped buck naked in the Sea of Galilee. The Sea of Galilee is historic, it is not Holy, for those of a Christian bent you are not supposed to worship ANYTHING but God, through Christ who died and rose again. Even way cool lakes that Jesus walked on.

As to skinny dipping in general, its’ a foolish, and childish practice not well thought out by the Congressman. Are there Snapping turtles in the Sea of Galilee?  Mr. Yoder is a fool, don’t vote for him Arizona. Let’s move on.

But not to be outdone, the Republicans are outraged too. It seems that Vice President Joe Biden said something to the effect that the Repulicrats are going to put us all back in chains; everyone here that does not know that Joe Biden kicks his mouth in gear before he puts his brain in motion please raise your hand. Yes, the one guy who raised his hand can go to the potty, out the door and to your right.

Joe Biden is Jerry Lewis to Obama’s Dean Martin. Obama gets to play the straight man while Biden gets to be the clown. Anybody that doesn’t like that, don’t vote for them.

I tell you plainly I am not going to vote Obama and Biden back into office but I am not going to vote for Romney and his sidekick either.  If you don’t understand my reasoning either you have not read all my post on the issues or I am not communicating effectively so allow me to put it down in skill level one terms:

1. Both parties think you and I are idiots.

2. Neither party represents change in a situation that cries out for change.

3. Both parties are actively working to destroy yours and my rights as citizens. Your choice isn’t which one will protect your rights it is which rights you want to lose first if you chose between them.

4. There is one monopoly I did not mention under the economy because it isn’t a monopoly of money it is a monopoly of debate. That is the monopoly represented by the Democrats and the Republicans. They have no right or authority to tell me what I have to think. Especially when the best they can do is give me fools being fools. Who cares?

This list is not encyclopedic either but I think it is enough.

On a side note Jerry Lewis is a man of intelligence, compassion and integrity and my apologies are in order. The only reason I made the comparison between him and Jokin' Joe Biden is that Mr. Lewis was the greatest clown of his generation while Biden is striving to be the greatest clown of our political generation (with people jumping naked into the Sea of Galilee Biden has his work cut out for him). The difference between Mr. Lewis and Mr. Biden is that Mr. Lewis was acting.

Peak Oil and Flat Heads

It is the “modern thing” to paint your opposing candidate in any campaign as stupid. This is a fallacy. Since I oppose both major party candidates equally I will tell you right now I assume they are at least as smart as me if not smarter. They are also much better informed since they don’t depend on Yahoo and Facebook for their news items.

For instance, I know we have passed the moment of Peak Oil. What that means in layman’s terms, the only terms I understand, is that never again will the earth be able to produce enough crude oil to meet the demand for it. In point of fact production, short falls will continue to grow until the petroleum based economy falls down like the Little Pig’s Stick House that it really is.

You must be about to ask yourself, “OK, where’s the funny stuff?” Good question. The funny stuff is that if I know this you can be certain Romney and Obama know about Peak Oil, the downward spiral and the ultimate outcome unless something radical is done now. They know it and they are still out there talking about who said what about who, when and where like it matters. One is moving the deck chairs on the Titanic while the other is sweeping the Shuffle Board courts. Hey, you either gotta laugh or cry, right?

So what can we do about? Well we could just ignore it and hope the Social Security crisis, global Terrorism or a passing meteor gets us before we run out of oil and end up back trying to plow with mules. That seems to be the present strategy of both major parties.

I had an interesting thought this morning and did just a tad of research. Part of my research tells me that Mars is, depending on the orbit of the two planets, somewhere between 33 million and 250 million miles from earth. Another piece of information I gleaned is that the Mars Rover Curiosity weighs upwards of nine thousand pounds.

So, NASA blasted a nine thousand pound vehicle at least 33 million miles into space so it could run around Mars taking pictures and sending them back to earth. Good deal, great technology. While this thing is running around Mars what is fueling it? Now that is an interesting question.

So I looked it up: Plutonium 238 fuels the Mars Rover. Oh Plutonium, that’s bad can’t use that on earth can we?  Los Alamos laboratory produced Plutonium 238 for use in Pacemakers. The 250 pacemakers powered by Plutonium 238 lasted approximately twenty-five years without being replaced. The fuel on the Mars Rover is expected to last fourteen years.

So what we have is a nuclear fuel that can be produced and used safely INSIDE  humans that will power a nine-thousand pound vehicle for fourteen years. Where do I sign up? Not so fast. No one, and I mean no one, did I say absolutely NOBODY in politics is going to suggest an answer like this to the real energy crisis of Peak Oil. That should be obvious because they won’t even mention Peak Oil.

Why or possibly why not would be the question wouldn’t it? I think the answer is simple. The name of the game is oil. Something on which the economy pivots, something that is making a few people a whole lot of money and something that we have to shove in our tanks every three to five days or so. Big petroleum is not looking for an alternative where the fill up rate is once a decade or so.
 

Perhaps the technology on the Mars Rover is not the answer to petroleum dependence. I really do not have the technological expertise to say one way or the other. I do believe that the answer or answers is out there. What we need is someone willing to entertain answers that do not necessarily including making the same cats fatter.

What we need is someone who is first willing to face the truth, then willing to state the truth and finally willing to entertain the possibility of real change. Now you look at Romney and Obama and tell me if either one of these strikes you as that person?

Friend, that ain’t the way the smart money bets.
 

Monty, Can I have Door Number 3?

I really tried to read the following article with interest and seek some understanding of the problem:http://news.yahoo.com/three-months-uncertainty-reigns-undecided-voters-202100935.html

Yes, it is three months until the election and the two mainstream candidates really are a grim choice. I would say they are a couple of clowns but they are not coordinated enough, they cannot make cool things out of balloons and neither one has set his own hair on fire. Yet.

So the gist of this little article is that the undecided voters are really upset because neither one of the two choices are very good.  This, folks, is just silly. Both parties are so arrogant, so sure of themselves and so absolutely certain of our full indoctrination they are more than happy to give us a choice between Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber and expect us to stand for it.

According to Wikipedia there are five major and twenty-nine minor political parties active in the United States today. We have the big two, Demopublicans and Repubracrats, (opps did I get that wrong?) then we have the other usual suspects; Libertarian, Green, and Constitution parties and then we have twenty-nine minor parties including  several variations of the word Socialist and the intriguing United States Marijuana Party. (I did not make that last one up and I bet they run Willie for president.)

So why does the main stream press re-enforce the lie that we have only two choices? Oh, there could be all kinds of reasons but the fact is it’s not true.

So considering that, besides the Republicrats and the Demopublicans, we have thirty-two other choices (thirty-three if you count writing in Snoopy) why should we vote for two guys we all suspect do not know what the question is much less the answer?

I, for one, am not going to waste my vote on candidates and parties that respect me even less than I respect them. I am going to vote for a third party candidate that seems to share my own values. Which party? That’s my business. I researched them, I read their platforms, and I choose one I believe represents my own interest.

No, it’s not the U. S. Marijuana party.

Global Warming or just Hot Air?

Let me tell you a story, it is a story of a Dominant Species on a lovely, vibrant planet. The planet was a gifted place set as if by gentle hand in the exact position which would allow it to prosper and produce life. The Dominant Species, however, was arrogant spreading without regard all over the planet spewing  noxious fumes and gases into the atmosphere.

Plants.

It was plants. At one time the earth’s dominant species was plants which spewed oxygen into the atmosphere to such an extent that other life forms grew up and usurped the plant’s coveted place as top of the food chain. This is according to the majority opinion in the scientific community which, of course, does not mean its right.

Forgive me if I am skeptical of science that can take a coccyx bone, three teeth and a toe bone and tell you what SOUND the animal made. But the story I related to you above is their explanation of how the world went from a world dominated by plants to one dominated by animals.

This leads me to my topic for today, SAVING THE PLANET.  Kiddies, relax the planet will be just fine. The problem we have is saving ourselves.

Let us state here the obvious. Something odd is happening with the weather. Our interpretation of the incidental evidence we see everyday tells us what Bob Dylan made so clear years ago. “You don’t have to be a weather man to see which way the wind blows.”

Years ago science pretty much decided they had the whole ozone layer, heat refracting thing figured out and they named it “Global Warming”. Good enough. For years scientist thought dinosaurs were all reptiles. The name “Big Bang Theory” was a derisive term used by main stream science to put down a theory they did not agree with until Mr. Hubble shoved it up their patrician noses.

Scientist are a tad smarter than lawyers, have a few more ethics than journalist and are a little more pompous and arrogant than your average television anchor person. Forgive me if I do not handle them with the deference they tell me they deserve.

So anyway in the intervening years things did not get hotter, in point of fact they got a little cooler.  Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Scientist have a strategy when something like that happens. They just change their tune and pretend like they meant the new thing all along. Now global warming became Sudden Climate Change.  They even made a movie about it. We were going back into the ice age, New York was a popsicle, Randy Quade was in it so it had to be true.

Now it appears to be warming up again big time. So we are back to Global Warming with a sneering “See I told you so.”  Yes, as I said before, the incidental evidence of our own eyes, ears, nose and sweaty bottom cracks tell us it seems to be REALLY hot this year.

That leaves only a few little questions like why and what can we do about it? Why? Well obviously it has to be us. We are man and we were given dominion over the planet. (opps, sorry that is religion not science). Anyway we are man and we are the smartest and the bestest and the most blessed so it is our responsibility… (opps, so sorry, that’s philosophy AND religion not science).

How about this, we do suck up a whole lot of resources to live in the way we are accustomed. I did not say entitled to I said accustomed. We suck dead dinosaur juice out of the middle east, we mine dead plant matter out of West Virginia, we burn all that nasty stuff and apparently only the very learned scientist know what the outcome of that will be.

Those would be the same scientist who did not know until recently the climate was hotter during ancient Rome than now. Did not know or did not bother to tell us. There is not much grant money in saying, “Shuck got that one wrong too.”

So what do we know? We know for a certainty that weather changes, if not a lot of time better spent on NASCAR reports is being wasted on TV every day. We know that weather is cyclical sometimes getting warmer, sometimes getting hotter, sometimes dryer and sometimes wetter.

I know I have been on this earth for sixty odd years and it appears to me that the weather has been trending towards warmer. I also know that trying to support a whole trend based on my sixty years would be like aliens landing in Washington and supposing that, based on their sample, the earth’s population is made up of narcissistic nincompoops.

So am I saying we are not going through a GREAT GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE? No. I am saying I really do not know. People I have reason to respect say we are and people I have reason to respect say it’s a natural cycle.

I do know that, between worrying about how we are going to be able to keep our Ice Cream frozen and what is going on with Tom and Katie, no one even noticed us slipping past the point of Peak Oil and starting the long slide back to horse drawn carriages and whale oil lights.  They wouldn’t want us worrying our little pointed heads about stuff like that would they?

The Obie and Mitty Show or Hail to the Grief

I love the Presidential election season. Any election is like a satirist’s birthday, gifts and cakes, funny hats and pin the tail on the Jack Ass. A Presidential election, for the satirist, is like your birthday falling ON Christmas, celebrated at Disney World with Willie Nelson providing the entertainment and the party favors.

Let’s take a moment and see how a presidential election plays out. First, you have to become the candidate don’t you? Becoming the candidate means you have to win the primaries. Primaries are when each state decides who they want to vote for at the convention. Are you following all this? Good, me neither.

Anyway you just simply must win the primaries which will cost you most of your money and any integrity you happen to have lying around. What you have to do is referred to as ENERGIZING YOUR BASE. For public consumption what they mean by that is exciting all the committed people who get out there and work hard for the candidates.

What they actually mean by that is somewhat different.  Picture the American political tree. The early nuts are out on the little limbs so the Demo squirrel runs for the ones on the left and the Repu squirrel runs for the ones on the right. When the two parties say they want to energize their base what they mean is to run to the left or the right and gather up the really succulent NUTS.

Why yes I am saying that the political base of both parties are a bunch of nuts; some are walnuts, some are chestnuts but most are your simple wing-nuts. One issue extremist with agendas harder than a salesman’s heart, delusions more complex than Chinese Arithmetic and fantasies more vivid than a fifteen year old with a Playboy.  If I offend any of my readers then maybe you need to sit down, take off your tin foil hat and think about it.

You guys, the party base, are the ones they already got. You are the POWs of the political war. They got you; they are going to keep you so they don’t have to do one real thing for you. Just pat you on the butt once every four years and tell you how important you are and you work your little buns off for them and then you vote for them.  

President Obama, being a sitting president, is not as tied to this process as the Republican Candidates were. President Obama already has his nomination sewed up but still he must at least nod towards those people that make up the core coalition of his liberal base. Gay marriage is an example. Obama more or less said, “I didn’t believe in it last time but I thought about it and it is the thing to do.”

Please note he sent Vice President Biden to try that stance out first. Everybody knows Jokin’ Joe is a bit of a wing nut himself and had it not been received well Barrack could have just laughed it off, “That Joe, he is such a character.”

Let me tell you something my Homosexual friends and fellow citizens, when and if Obama is re-elected your issues will slip to the bottom of his pile. Not because he does not believe what he says or because he does. It will fall between the WIDE Washington cracks because he no longer NEEDS you.

Now I bet a lot of your conservative Republican friends of mine are laughing at this. Enjoy it, you are next.  Romney has probably eaten more hamburgers, BBQ, fried fish and coleslaw in the last six months than he has in his previous life. He is for guns, against gays, for God, against abortion and etc. If there is an issue important to three people in the Republican base he is with them on it. If there are contradictions among those issues he is with BOTH SIDES. Honest, he means it.

His commitment to all of your core issues is unshakeable, rock solid and not to be doubted. Until, that is, you nominate him. You see your base gets you nominated but it is the other ninety-eight percentile of us that get you elected. Guess what happens next?

At that point picture the tree of American Politics just full of nuts. You base on the right and left are no longer important because you already have all those nuts. It’s all those nuts in the middle that are going to get you the chance to sit behind the Resolute Desk and get called POTUS. So now our two little political squirrels run back to the middle of the tree.

Now comes the time to “clarify your position”. Which means spin some other fantasy to cover up the fantasy you spun for those other guys. The mutually agreed on way to do this is to turn the debate to the bigger issues. Neither candidate wants to talk about all those other issues they already lied about.

So the talk will turn to Foreign Policy, terrorism, immigration reform and stuff like that. Of course it will never turn to the fact that since 1983 prices have increased and middle class income has stayed exactly the same. Oh, and it will never get near the fact that, under the stewardship of the Republicans and the Democrats, this nation is teetering on the brink of become a footnote in world history. If we discuss that some folks might realize that both parties are to blame and kick the whole sorry lot to the curb.

Now we can’t have that can we?

Boom, Boom, Here Come the Boomers

Late this year I will turn sixty-two. That is not precisely correct my body will turn sixty-two. I am perpetually about twenty-five, much taller than my body, tougher than leather and have a luxurious head of dark hair. Friends who know me well would probably opt for perpetually twelve with a dirty face and a garter snake in my pocket but there we must disagree.

Be all that as it may I will turn sixty-two and I will begin to collect my social security. I have weighed all my options and decided to apply at the earliest date.  My reasoning is simple, sooner or later an epidemic of COMMON SENSE might break out and Washington will realize we can’t pay this. I want to at least get some of my money back.

Yes, I am a Baby Boomer. Something I admit with the same attitude as other men might admit they buy their underwear at Victoria’s Secrets. The Baby Boom is a name given to those of us born to the returning WWII veterans. It seems that the Greatest Generation, after saving the world from absolute evil, came home, bought Fords and Chevys, enrolled in College and then began to copulate with such abandon that rabbits hid their faces in shame.

This frenzy of sexual activity produced the Baby Boom; a great big air bubble in the blood stream of American life headed for the heart of the economy. I, born deep in this bubble absolutely despise the selfish, egocentric, egotistic, and ungrateful Baby Boom. We grew up in an age where it was all about us and we are darned sure going to make it STAY all about us.

What are the growing industries in America today? Health care in general, doctors, drug companies, chiropractors, wellness centers, and old folk’s homes (opps I meant retirement centers we don’t have old folk’s homes any more we’re the Baby Boomers). Another booming business is the legal profession. We are the Baby Boomers, we need somebody to sue all those doctors et al who can’t make us live forever, still be able to play tennis and do the Wild Thing like our love starved Daddy’s did to make us.

When I was six TV was geared to six years olds. Davy Crocket tamed the east while Wyatt Earp walked Tombstone brave, courageous and bold. When I was sixteen TV was geared for sixteen year olds. Come on now, sing along, “Hey, hey were the Monkeys”. Now I am sixty-two and TV is largely geared to my dumbed down, thrill seeking generational perspective. What else could explain America’s Funniest Home Videos?

Advertisements are less about Mattel toys. Instead they feature things to grow my hair back and things to put lead in my pencil. I read recently that one of the drugs meant to grow your hair back causes severe sexual dysfunction. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Now THAT would be a funny home video.

First some advice to my fellow Boomers; get a grip. OK? We are getting older, if it happens to the best of us it was certain to happen to a sorry lot like me and you. Every other generation has righteously discussed the down fall of the generation after them. We have no moral platform from which to denounce our young because we still want to BE our young.

Forever Young is a Rod Stewart song not a fact. We are getting OLD. What hair we still have is gray or soon will be, our belly buttons are running from our back bones, our knees are beginning to do the Watusi without the rest of us, our walk is becoming a shuffle and our teeth are deserting us faster than some of us deserted our military. We have no Picture of Dorian Gray and, frankly, if we did I would burn mine. We Boomer are into “natural remedies” well let me give you the natural remedy for our selfish and narcissistic generation. Time, it is our Jump Master and it is telling us to “STAND IN THE DOOR!” because we are about to get off the plane.

Having said that and since we Boomers like new experiences why don’t we try something new? Unselfishness might be worth a try.

Second, a word to our children, the children of the children of the Baby Boom; I would like for you to take a moment and consider your parent’s contribution to the Oval Office thus far, the Boomers who had the power to make the whole world go BOOM!

1.       William Jefferson Clinton: Wow, what’s to say about Billy? He was so narcissistic that, enough about that we all know what he did. The God Smacking thing was all the things he did afterwards to assure that Billy got to keep all his toys. “Mine, mine… it’s all mine.” Translate that to Latin and you got the Boomer motto.

2.       George W. Bush Jr.: A more classic Boomer would be hard to find. Spent his young life partying then went home to follow in Daddy’s footsteps. Actually he did a pretty good job of that out doing his Daddy handily by getting us in two wars (not just one) that lasted years (not just the war equivalent of a long wait at the drive through) and oversaw the near destruction of our economy (not just a minor bump  in the economic freeway). Yeah Dad should be proud.

3.       Barrack Obama: The jury is still out on Obama but the Bailiff is whispering to the judge. It doesn’t look good. His legacy seems to be the most contorted, round your butt to get to your elbow, expensive, intrusive and almost certainly unconstitutional piece of social engineering in the history of the country if not the world.

For this next and hopefully final chapter in Boomer Presidency we are offering you a double feature of Obama, There Should Have Been Only One or Romney Son of well Romney. I could rest my case against us, the Boomers, on that alone but, oh no, the worst is yet to come kids.

SOCIAL SECURITY IS COMING!!!! All of you should be screaming and running away right now. On Jan 1^st, 2011 the first of the Boomers hit Social Security. Picture a gentle wave lapping up on the shore before the tsunami drags the bay dry and then roars in crushing and shoving everything before it. January 1^st 2011 was kind of like that.

I am trying real hard to make this funny but the fact is I am out of rubber chickens. Over the next nineteen years millions of us are going to join the rolls of Social Security and millions less of us are going to have the good grace to do the River Jordan breast stroke. Any fool smarter than a Boomer can see that the money just isn’t there.

Now my answer to this is….. Well we could…. What would be best is…. The simple fact is I have no easy answer and the Boomer Generation has always sought the easy answer haven’t we?

After thinking about this I may re-read Taylor Caldwell with a little more sympathy for throwing Granny in the ditch.

The Drone Boss, The Drone

Whatever man can do, he will. That is not a quote; it came full blown from my own little rounded head. Many years ago I read the classic novel, 1984, by George Orwell. From this novel, came the much repeated phrase “Big Brother Is Watching”.

Well folks, I probably do not need to tell you that Bigger Brother is now watching. It appears, as is normal, technology born of war is coming to the home front. The drones used so effectively on the FEBA (Forward Edge of the Battle Area) are coming to the BEMS (Both Ends of Main Street). Military Drone technology, so loved by the Air Force, has a new customer base: Andy and Barney in your own home town.

This new development brings to my mind a burning question: what are the rest of you people up to?!! What foul deeds, high crimes, felonious intents and actions do all you other Americans harbor in your depraved hearts that makes my government feel the need to send flying cameras over the country?

‘Cause I know it ain’t me. With twenty-four hour surveillance of my little leased piece of America, the most heinous thing they might see is me taking a kick at the cat (I always miss, cats are quick), hiding a paint can in the middle of my everyday trash, or patting my lady, in an inappropriate place, while no one is watching. Oh yes, that’s the point. Someone IS watching.

So tell me, Mr. and Mrs. America what kind of foolishness are you involved in that makes our elected officials think you bare such close watching? Come clean now, are you people smoking that Demon Weed? Well we know what that can lead to…. Jazz Music.

Could it be that you are planning the violent overthrow of the Constituted Government of the United States? Are you stockpiling weapons beneath your above ground pool, training terrorist around your BBQ grill, teaching bomb building beneath your jungle gym? I tell you this; you people need watching. I am a good citizen, veteran and absolutely certain that no one is watching me. Yeah, I believe that.

Let me tell you about the first recorded use of a drone for Law Enforcement purposes. Better yet, thanks to the wonders of the internet let me show you: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2073248/Local-cops-used-Predator-drone-arrest-North-Dakota-farm-family-stealing-6-cows.html the Brossarts of North Dakota do not seem like a group of people I would want to sit down to dinner with. They are not very fond of our Federal Government, a trait they share with most Democrats and ALL Republicans. They might have absconded with half a dozen of their neighbor’s cattle. They appear to have resisted County Sheriffs with drawn firearms.

The County Sheriffs Office called out their SWAT team and then, according to the report, some County Mounty said, “I got a great idea.”

ubisurv.wordpress.com

Yeah right. Barney of North Dakota DECIDED to call up the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE and borrow that. I believe it, but then again, “I believe for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows.”

Not that it concerns me in anyway because I AM a good, law abiding citizen. After all, it’s you they are after: bunch of sneaky, underhanded, criminal, terrorist, hot head, Islamic, Christian, Jewish, Atheist conspirators that you all are.

An old saying used to go around us military guys that the scariest words a soldier ever heard was, “Trust me, I am from the CIA and I am here to help.” There was some truth to that.

But let me tell you right now, you can trust them, they are from the government and they are here to help.

Hello

This is by way of introduction. My first thought was to call this blog the Walpole Report based on the oft misquoted statement by Horace Walpole, "This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel,".

I enjoy this statement very much as I have a tendency to put my tongue in my cheek early and often something I share with the 4th Earl of Oxford though I have admit he probably has a sharper wit than mine. Then again I often say the same thing about most cats.

So this is my attempt at humor, no I don't mean making up knock-knock jokes. Devising humor is probably well above my pay grade. Luckily for me we have government officials, luminaries, rock stars, and etc who are happy to provide me with tons of material in their everyday lives.

While your everyday politician in ascending order from local to federal make very good copy I believe that bureaucrats on all levels far outstrip their elected masters in providing us with a mental picture that makes Dali paintings look like they were done by Grandma Moses.

So this is my little blog, an attempt to see things in a different way and to make people laugh at our own foibles, pre-conceived notions and default assumptions. I try to view the world this way because, even though I like to read the occasional tragedy I would rather live in a comedy and so I try to think.

I for see that some of this might be considered as irreverent. You would probably be right but I cannot help but believe my God has a sense of humor. Exhibit A of my argument for God's sense of the absurd is that He made the Duck Billed Platypus. If I need an Exhibit B I could suggest Reality TV.

So here is some things to read, just a thought that tumbled around in the spin cycle of my mind and came out looking something like this.