OR I WILL HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL.... as Diplomacy

I watch the antics in the Mid East and think to myself, “Isn’t this where I came in?” Seriously, haven’t we seen all this before? How many times does your kid fall down on the floor, kick their feet, bang their heads and hold their breath until they turn blue before it quits being exciting?

Temper tantrum; that is what they are pitching and that is what we are seeing. Any parent who has semi-successfully raised a kid passed the terrible twos knows how to handle these people it does not require a bunch of Harvard and Yale educated talking heads.

The first principle is what the tantrumer (my word how you like it?) wants is irrelevant. What they want right now could be right, good and pure of spirit but if you give into the tantrum behavior tomorrow they will pitch the same fit for hot dogs with tatter chips covered with hot fudge. The issue is the tantrum itself.

So the first step by the tantrumee (that would be us) is to remain calm and think happy thoughts; tantrum and thunderstorm durations are self limiting by their violence.  Find a good book, pick up your knitting, continue with your life and ignore them.

But Ed, you cannot ignore the whole Middle East!!!!! Why not?  Let me give you an idea of how I might have handled this little twitch in the Middle East had I woke up as president this morning:

1.       My first step, while still running around in my presidential bathrobe, would be to contact the Secretary of State and recall ALL ambassadors to Middle East countries for consultation. Stable country, unstable, ally or enemy the Ambassador would be recalled for consultation. In Diplo-speak recalling an ambassador for consultation is a step before breaking diplomatic ties.

2.       Once breakfast was over I would call the Joint Chiefs of Staff and asked to see their plan to remove all military personnel from any ground bases in the Middle East within five days. We would review this plan together by close of business today.  I, as President and the Big Dog in the Bureaucratic Meat House would not entertain a “we can’t do that” option.

3.       After I had caused the Joint Chiefs to squat and have a cow I would call in my Chief of Staff and we would have us a little talk. The Chief’s first job would be to announce a joint session of Congress for that evening. No, I do not care about news cycles or other obligations. I get to drink out of a POTUS coffee cup.  I would also have the Chief drop by my legislative office and have them draft a bill based on the following facts:

a.       Today’s price for a barrel of crude oil is $98.94 which is down 6% from yesterday.

b.      Rounded up that’s a hundred bucks and adding a ten percent the president is ticked off tax that makes it a hundred and ten.

4.       Based on those two numbers I would propose emergency legislation that says the price of oil will NEVER fall below $110.00 any difference between the wholesale price and $110.00 per barrel would be collected as a tariff and used for the New Manhattan project.

5.       What new Manhattan Project? The one I would propose to find, develop and deploy viable alternative energy sources. The simple fact is we need such alternatives now, trying to find them might already be too late and the best reason for an emergency program now is because we were too stupid to do it thirty years ago.

I am certain you can see all kinds of problems with this strategy, so can I. I, frankly, cannot see a strategy for handling the spoiled children of the Middle East that is not going to mess up the house and cause problems.

In defense of my down and dirty answer or yours, whatever that may be; let me say it is better than anything the Democrats or Republicans have done in the last seventy years.

Going full circle in my little discussion what my fantasy presidency has done is to begin preparing the United States to ignore the Middle East. Pull out our soldiers, close off diplomatic relations and chop down their little money tree.

There is only one cure for tantrum behavior that is when the person throwing the tantrum realizes they cannot get what they want by hurting themselves. Once that lesson is learned it is remarkable how fast common sense breaks out.